Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Very Honest Post On How I Handle Rejection.

 For the past several years I have been living with an advanced thyroid disease courtesy of Chernobyl.All this time I had to live AND work with violent side effects of the disease. It took time, but I have learned how to not let it stop me. I feel the same way about the subject of rejection: it makes you sick but you have to push pass the setback.
 Last week, while attending one of the fashion parties, I have found myself in a funny, somewhat uncomfortable, situation: while one colleague of mine, whom I have met before, in a very obvious manner pretended not to notice me, the other colleague of mine, whom I never met before, but who, I am certain, knew my name, snapped my picture with her phone. She was standing only couple of steps away but thought I would not notice. She did not bother to introduce herself or ask for permission to take a picture. The entire display I thought was rather amusing.Really!? Aren't we a little bit too old for that? Apparently, High School never ends for some.
 This, of course, is not what I call rejection, this is more of other people insecurities. Rejection to me is always a life changing occurrence.I mean the rejection in professional life. The one that lives you absolutely gutted, destroyed and broken in pieces. The one that is delivered like a blow to the very core of your professional ego. With in the past year I have managed to have several of them.
 The truth is I always take it very personally unable to pretend that it doesn't matter or recover fast enough. Rejection takes you over, much like an illness and there are many dangers that come with it. One of the most obvious is  a danger of loosing hope and giving up on your dream and your vision. Nothing is worse.
 If you happen to go through something like this at this very moment, I have few words of advice for you: breathe! Keep your eyes and mind  on the original reason as to why you decided to choose this particular line of work. To me it is love for the subject of Millinery Art. Complete, consuming passion for the very DNA of my craft. I believe that passion like this sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible. + a great glass of wine and a cigar always help too. :-)
 In a moment of desperation I have turned to the comfort of great minds. Here is my top favorite quote on the subject by Theodore Roosevelt: - "Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. "
 "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts" - Winston Churchill.
 Also one of my top favorites: "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. " - Winston Churchill.
 Going through any defeat is a very personal journey, but if you would like to share how you are dealing with it I will be very grateful.
 Special Thank You to the wonderful Fluff Chance of The Emperor's Old Clothes for holding me together and not letting me fall apart completely.
Credits: Editorial Vogue US, Chanel Beauty, Editorial fr Hats by S.Jones and P.Atkinson.


Little Rus said...

Anya, milaya ti moya Anya, why didn't you say anything? I wish I knew. I actually think people acted the way they did towards you simply because they envy you and do all kinds of stupid things because of it. Don't waste your time and energy, just ignore it as difficult as it can be and remember that there are a lot more people who love and appreciate you. Oh, and you have the most gorgeous wardrobe and shoe collection, too. :) Big hug!!! Ne veshai nos!!!!!

P.S. I'm just like you, though, but I'm learning to act differently while growing thicker skin. ;)

Lauren said...

What a heartfelt post! Thank you for sharing from your heart something this personal. When I am faced with rejection I remember that I am a child of God--my worth is in my identity in Christ, and His love is unconditional. This is the only thing that gets me through!

janettaylor said...

What a post!


Anonymous said...

Anya, there is no doubt that you are a talented designer, but you also have an incredible gift for the written word. Your post was so honest and open and it touched my heart. I know all too well the feelings of rejection (on many levels) and you managed to make an ugly and painful topic BEAUTIFUL to read. Amazing!

Jan said...

Lovely and honest post Anya.
So sorry to hear you were affected by Chernobyl.
I think it's obvious though that you are a strong person.
I'm a believer in cognitive thinking.
I don't find it easy, but it works for me.
Well, usually.
Great Churchill quotes!

Virginia said...

My dear, I think you have come through some trying times physically and in your career. Hold fast to these wondrous words and don't give up, not for a second. I"m 65 and embarking on a new career after retirement. I"ve met some rejection of late and your words have lifted me up. Merci.

Caz said...

As I read this post my heart is heavy :(((( knowing you and your beautiful spirit and secondly from my own experiences that these weak and spineless people who think gaining some satisfaction from siphoning whatever negative or hurtful things they can at the expense of others feelings

To these people I say

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) He also said the measure of mental health is the disposition to find good everywhere.

and to you the beautiful Anya I say

The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong. (Thomas Carlyle)

We are each of us angels with only one wing.
And we can fly only by embracing each other (Luciano de Crescenzo)

Thank you for sharing your experience on this subject as I know it is such a hurtful thing and your choice of pictures and quotes were just so beautiful.

The Gossamer Tearoom said...

Dearest Anya,
I have always admired you so much because it takes a tremendous amount of bravery to put yourself out there creatively like you do. I have to say that I admire you even more now that I know you are pushing through such adversity to achieve your goals! I want you to know how much my Mr. V and I so needed to read such an inspiring quote as you have given us from Theodore Roosevelt! It is very applicable to things happening in our lives right now and we will not forget it! By the way, I agree with those who have already said that those people who snubbed you are nothing but jealous of you!
With big hugs and great admiration,

Lee Duncan is HatStruck said...


I will pray for your health and mental stamina.

One of my best friends said that, after attending a millinery event with me, milliners are the most vicious people she knows. I can write a whole book about millinery and non-millinery situations such as you have described.

So, let me give you a little advice that was given to me as a very young lady, "If you want to get even, succeed." Don't do anything vindictive, don't compete to where the competing will make you miserable, concentrate on your dream only, and just continue growing and getting better and better. In other words, only compete with yourself.

Look how creative you are. Those that are not creative feel threatened; they are envious and miserable. They will try to compete against you, and by doing this, they will not realize their own dreams, and the cycle continues.

There are times when I have had to ask for forgiveness because I've taken pleasure in seeing how miserable these people are. It is not good to take pleasure in another's misery :) SORRY....

Of course things will bother you because you're human. What brings me back to life are the people that love me, and hearing, "If you want to get even, succeed."

Hold your head high and keep a smile on your face, because you are a success.

Pratishtha Durga said...

Anya, you are a strong-willed woman who is brimming with talent and positivity. You have obviously gone through a lot in life and have held your chin up through such difficult times.

People's envy often manifests itself as insecure behavior. But you are a stronger woman than that. Love you for who you are. Wish I could give you a hug right now. Sending you positive vibes.

VMcreation-fashion-studio-atelier said...

My dearest,beutiful friend Anya!

I read your post...and absolutelly very touched.

''The truth is I always take it very personally unable to pretend that it doesn't matter or recover fast enough. Rejection takes you over, much like an illness and there are many dangers that come with it. One of the most obvious is a danger of loosing hope and giving up on your dream and your vision. Nothing is worse.''

This is your words and I feel it almost the same...
And what do you say:'' High School never ends for some''is SO,SO,SO true,unfortunately!

I would like to say,Anechka:

You are beyond intelligent person and gorgeous talented artist!!!
Let some people and some situations GO,GO,GO!

She earned your attention NOT and especially,your emotions and your beautiful soul and heart-(because it touched your...)

And trully,all these words from great goutes were not just words,but more BELIEF!!!

Much Love to you and my virtual warm hugs,


VMcreation-fashion-studio-atelier said...

Da,i eshe nemnogo vozmozno grybovato o toj persone:....


Дуракам закон не писан
Если писан, то не читан
Если читан, то не понят
Если понят, то не так...

Но понять смысл — это еще не все. Есть еще один 3-й уровень чтения — осознание.

Bezymno zatronylo menia Vash post,Anya,dorogaya.....

Iskrenne i s ogromnim yvazeniem i Liubovju k Vam,

Elegancemaison said...

What can I say that has not been said already in those heartfelt comments before mine? Please take them all to your heart and hug them.

I am constantly brought up short by the vicious mean-mindedness of some other people in all walks of life. But I have found, as another person commented, that it is usually rooted in jealousy and often in sheer ignorance. I have learnt to " rise above it", with as much dignity as I can muster and try to distance myself from their company. But it is still hurtful and happened to me as recently as last week.

But, but, your suffering from the effects of Chernobyl - that's terrible. What courage you have as well as an incredible talent. You are an inspiration Anya!

Genie -- Paris and Beyond said...

Your beauty (inside and out), your passion and creativity, your mentoring of others, your selfless sharing of talent... There is only jealousy of these people whose efforts to hurt others only prevent the jealous from achieving on their own.

Hold your head up high and hold onto your thoughts and convictions, sweet Anya.

Your words can be taken to heart by each of us.


Diego R. Wyatt said...

Great post. Rejection is a curious thing. It never stops and it hurts each time, particularly when it comes to a profession you are passionate about. Although it makes you stronger and the recovery time gets shorter, it still hurts. One thing that has always helped me move forward is understanding that I can not control what others do or say. For every "no," I say "yes."


Haute World said...

Sorry it's taken me so long to visit you again and welcome back from your summer! This is such an inspiring post and truly fitting, as I'm going through a rough patch professionally right now. I've been raised never to give up or lose sight of your goal, so I can relate to everything you go through (even your health issues). I hope you keep up your wonderful work and your spirit. You know you have fans out there!

Love Accents Couture Millinery said...

From a Lioness to another Lioness,
Be still,be quiet and empower yourself by saying...
"Today I will focus on what I can be grateful for instead of allowing my attention to be hijacked by negativity. Stop letting people and circumstances detrail me, so that I may be creative and fierce!"....(and of course, of course a smile)!

Karena said...

Dearest Anya,

It is so interesting that a person we would least expect of suffering is handling so much, so gracefully.

I can certainly relate, and rejection does strike the heart.

What I do with this kind of person is to picture my Heart as an open, fully bloomed rose. Then I close it back into a tight little rosebud, thus protecting my heart.

Then I remember that it is most likely the other person's own problems, insecurities that causes them to lash out!

Love and Hugs,

Couture Millinery Atelier. said...

Dear Jennifer, thank you so very much for your wonderful comment. This was not an easy post to write. I know that so many of us consider the topic "ugly", somethning to be ahsamed of,rejection is something a lt choose to suffer with in silence. Thank you for being so understanding and so generous in spirit.It truly warmed my heart!

dressingup-everyday said...

People who express rejection of other for one reason or another only are showing enormous insecurity in themselves.
I'm glad you are a strong woman, enough to understand it.

Anonymous said...

Be nice to people and they will respond to you in the same manner. Where you a nice and diplomatic girl to those, who attended Steven Jones' exibition? It does not seem so. Otherwise, why would they reject you? Envy? No... They are too much established on the market. By the way, why are you were not exposed on Steven Jones' exibition? Why he did not invite your hats? Strange...

Couture Millinery Atelier. said...

To Anonymous,

It is very strange, that you have decided to comment under the mask of Anonymous. It is always easy to lecture or ask questions you would not otherwise ask under the mask, isn't it? Well, I will answer: 1. I am always nice to people and always honest. I would never say things I do not mean and If I have to say something I say in person,under my name, never behind the back. When milliner I well know chooses to turn away and pretend I am not here - I will not be nice to him/her. If another one flashes her camera in my face, taking my picture while standing two steps away, and than turns around and continues her conversation, I will not be nice to her. But again, maybe that is how well established, diplomatic milliners behave, much like posting under Anonymous. If so, I am happy I am not one of them. A good thing, a room was filled with fantastic, talented, smart and creative people with whom I had such a great time talking. As to the second part of the question: you would have to ask Stephen. I have opened my Atelier in 1010 and to this point released only 3 Collections with 4th is currently introduced in Paris. I am an ambitious person, but not THAT ambitious. I think it takes a little longer to get to be displayed in exhibition of that magnitude. While I am still a very new name, it is puzzling to me why there was such a narrow choice of hats from the wide pool of well established milliners in New York, who are in business for far long than I am.Strange...

Anonymous said...

You should be in Paris already, aren't you:-)? All trade shows started.

Couture Millinery Atelier. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Couture Millinery Atelier. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Couture Millinery Atelier. said...

Anonymous, I will not be answering you any longer. Do not bother commenting in the future.Blogger has sent my responce to you twice in error before it was finished and I should have probably left it this way, but I do not like things to be left unfinished: When someone does not have honesty and dignity, he/she always supect everyone else of not having them either. That being said: Not only Paris has tradeshows and privet buyer appointments in progress, it also happens to have fantastic Internet connection that work anywhere from airports to tradeshows and even Hotels. But how would you know :-). I recommend comming here sometimes just to see how things work.

Glee said...

Hi Anya, I want to let you know that your post touched and inspired me greatly. I was met with lots of rejections in the past and even in the present, and like you, I always take them personally, no matter what my mind says. It takes time for me to recover as well, but when I do, i bounce back even better. I´m inspired by all the great quotes you shared. I´ve saved them, and will make them my own motivational words and will go back to them whenever I´m in need.

It amazed me, how a commenter could harass you under a mask. Perhaps she´s the one who took you photo without asking permission? Perhaps the person who strived to ignor you? Or perhaps someone who smiles at you when you meet in person? You´ll never know. But one thing is cetain, this anonymous knows you and has been following your progress, your achievements. You never used the term "envy" in this post. I can´t remember reading it anywhere here, but the anonymous used it in the first comment. Why? Strange...

It´s reflective isn´t it? To spend and waste time coming over your blog and posting several comments under the same mask just to put you down? That´s the real definition of envy.

I have never met you in person, Anya. But I´ve met you in this blogosphere since two years, and I always admire you for being a nice person even in this virtual world.